He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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