Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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