This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
