if only i could text you this smell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
