I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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