i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize