Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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