oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
