Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
