i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
