I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
