She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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