Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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