11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
