So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
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thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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