I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
