do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
