you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
