So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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