Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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