im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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