How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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