Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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