It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
