Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
