I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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