Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
