Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
