I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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