I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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