The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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