I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
