she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I cannot find my penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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