Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
