i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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