she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were destined to go to rehab together
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
