if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My cat gives me a boner
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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