I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
