An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
