dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
