why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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