guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
