She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hippo gnu deer
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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