ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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