I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
