I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
