i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
