yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
