that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
