I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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