i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
