you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
