He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
