Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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