i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
please don't ironically join a cult
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