I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
