Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
