he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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