I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
