I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
