I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
