Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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