worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
