She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
