I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
