Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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