3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
