Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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