did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
