my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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