So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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