You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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