i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
