He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize