I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
