my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
