I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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