She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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