help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
